New Day

I have needed to do this for a long time and should have started when we first started our mission.  I guess three weeks late is better than never at all.  We have been in New York for just over three weeks and it is feeling like home.  The first time I have felt at home since we left Lake LA.  I now recognize that the Lord was trying to direct me to go on a mission but I didn’t want to hear it.
I have felt like I was living in a cloudy haze.  If fact, I wrote about it in March.
  (March 20, 2019)

The Cloud

I feel as though I have been living under a cloud since retiring three years ago.  The darkness settled so slowly that I wasn’t aware of what was happening,  I only knew that I was loosing any sense of myself or the desire to be involved in life.  I initially felt that I had just gotten very old very fast, I didn’t have the energy or the desire to work, go out, or engage in any way with the things that bring joy into ones life.   I didn’t even read a book for nearly two year.  I lay in bed all day and watch Fox News until I was living in a disagreeable cloud.    My house was unpacked from the move but not organized in any way.  I couldn’t find things because they were merely hidden and not put away.  The time and effort to find order seemed useless. I felt vegetative!  Over the last three or four months that cloud has started to lift.  I don’t think I realized that it was there until I saw the first ray of sunshine start to break through. I finally have some energy and desire to cook, clean and organize.  That is huge for me because I loathe clutter and disorder.  I am hopefully for the retirement that I had long dreamed of enjoying.  I am writing this for myself as I try to discover and understand what I am feeling and what I need to do to change things.

when we put in our papers for a mission the cloud started to lift but it has only been since we have been here that I have felt the sun shining.  A little irony as it has rained much of the time we have been here and the sun surely shines in Tucson.